Today I woke up at 7:15 to go to work (for an 11 hour shift) and found that ther was no way that I could style it that didn't look like a pompadour. I am not f---ing Elvis. The top is just plain too long. I ended up with 3 inches of hair, I want about 2. The color I can live with. Hell, I even sort of like the color. I can always go blonder next time if I want to. But I need my hair to be shorter.
So this made me frustrated as I was running out the door; and I didn't have time to grab breakfast so I stopped at a fast-food restaurant on the way to work. By the time I drove the 5 or 6 minutes to the drive-thru, I was holding back tears. I kept trying to tell myself to buck-up, that I had to get to work, and that I wasn't allowed to cry. My eyes disagreed. Sometimes, every so often when I am extremely stressed out and upset, I need to cry. Sometimes it is the only way to feel better. I called in sick to work at 7:45. I was supposed to be at work at 7:45, but when I allowed myself to feel what I really felt today, I realized that I would rather have today off work than have a job for the rest of the semester. In short, it was that important. I was warned that I would be written up because I didn't give enough warning for missing the shift, and I simply felt relieved that I wasn't fired and that I could have my day, just one day this week that I don't have any obligations.
So I cried. And I drove. I drove down to Hidden Falls (a park on the river) and I wrote in my journal and ate. I drove down to a secret place (as secret as a public park can be) in the woods and took some fresh air and time to myself. Sometimes I love St. Paul. It has so many beautiful trees and secret little pockets of wildness.
I went for a walk there, and I talked with the woods. I cried some more; I let the forest comfort me and pet me like a favorite daughter. I realized that the city gets to me and it hurts; I realized that I need to be around trees; and I realized that I miss my family as much as I miss the Black Hills. It really did make me feel better, calmer. I walked until the backs of my arms were too cold to go any further and I had forgotten that I even had hair. I walked until I didn't feel guilty for calling in sick to a job that involves charging people for a place to put their car.
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But things are looking up. I am in a much better mood now. Apparently I just need to get more fresh air, exercise, and stop trying to do everything on the frickin' planet at once.
I do have another dilemma and, dear blogosphere, I want to know your opinion.
I have found a summer job finding sites for seismographic stations in Northern Minnesota and getting landowner permission to put them in (someone else would do the actual work of putting them in). It is a nice job, car provided, computers provided, money for lodging and food provided, plus a $5000 stipend for 10 weeks worth of work. It would give me something nice to put on my geology resume.
But it would require me to be up North for 5 out of 7 days every week from the last 2 weeks of May until the end of July. This means that I would not be able to pursue my acting career for that time. It would be put on hold for 3 months that I have been looking forward to as a time when I will have the most time to devote to pursuing my dream. While I am going to school and working, I have very little time for any sort of rehearsals, but if I am only working a job this summer, I should have time to spare on evenings and weekend to work in the theatre. However, I can only do this if I'm in the city.
So I put the question to you:
Do I go for the money and the practical experience in the field that I am getting a degree in?
or
Do I hold out, look for something else, and reach for my dream?
Maybe there is a geology day job that will keep me in the city, but that doesn't matter right now because I don't know of any job like that.
4 comments:
I love giving advice. It is one of my hobbies. I'd go with the northern job if it were me because the money and the experience seem good, and because it would give me time to be by myself, to think, to reorganize my thoughts and to replenish my psyche. This I'd do especially if I still were a student leading a rather busy life. But that is me. It seems like it would be a logical extension of the time you spent in the park this morning. You might even be able to find a community theater group to participate in up north. More to learn, more practice.
The Black Hills are a great place to be. I've been there a few times, and love that entire region, both for the country and the history.
Your hair looks just fine from my point of view. Really, really, really ....
I always cry when I do something drastic to my hair. I get used to it & it reminds me how I get attached to possessions & we shouldn't, even possessions like part of our body. Getting upset over things that shouldn't be that important helps remind us of what is important.
I'd take the job up north if I were you. It sounds like an adventure. If you miss me (:b or other things about the cities) too much by mid June, you can always quit. You can always keep your eyes open for something better, too. But you may be in a unique position to rock that job = you know northern MN & how to deal with landowners up there better than a city kid would! Perhaps you could find some community theater here in Mpls that only practices on weekends.
Your hair looks fine to me, the colour is really really nice.
I think everyone just needs to call in sick every once in a while. It's so cool when you do it at the last minute because suddenly all this time just opens up and you don't have to do anything you don't want to.
Argh, I can't answer your question! I think deep down you know which one you WANT to pick.
http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/tfr/1062244435.html
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