Dating and Acting

I am terrified of dating again. Absolutely terrified. Mostly it's because I think I fall in love too easily. I am very good at seeing the potential in people, in looking for the good. Sometimes I have overlooked big flaws and sometimes small, but the problem is not so much that I can overlook flaws, but rather that I leap to do so. I fully realize that nobody is perfect (believe it or not, even I am not perfect). However, in having this blessing/curse, I make myself vulnerable in relationships before I probably should. This makes it very easy to get hurt, and I just don't feel resilient enough lately.

And this "seeing the potential", I want an actual person, not just a potential person. Granted, we all have potential and hopefully we all continue to grow and change throughout our lives, but there is a difference between someone who is realizing their potential on a daily basis and someone who has potential but is bogged down in their depression. Even someone who is stuck in a rut has the potential to get out, but just sitting there and expecting the rut to disappear is ridiculous.

But on to less confessional matters. Yesterday we did our scene for the class. I was a little nervous, the professor is Lou Bellamy (a founder and director for Penumbra theatre). But I feel that I did reasonably well. It certainly helps to know that the only one of the three of us who is getting graded on the outcome is Chuck, but I like to always try to do my best. (Actually I usually try to be perfect, but I'm learning how to enjoy just doing my best.) There was a little stumbling around in the beginning, as I said, I was nervous and it was the first time we did it with the props. But towards the end I found my rhythm and feel like I really managed to open up. Of course, Mr. Bellamy pointed out that the scene was too long and that it would probably have to cut off at the point where I managed to open up, but he did acknowledge that I started to do well at that point. I'm not really upset that I struggled with the beginning; I'm only happy that I understood what he was saying when he identified the point where I managed to get comfortable. It is always a much easier job when you are in agreement with someone over a dynamic like that. (It would have been much worse if I was left thinking, "What does he mean by that? I did the whole thing well.") He will be at our rehearsal on Friday and I'm looking forward to it. I think that it will be helpful to have a more experienced voice around for a little while.

Unfortunately I am still losing my voice a little on occasion. Sunday night it was pretty bad and I still have a slight wheeze. Maybe I have a bit of a chest cold, lord knows I haven't been sleeping regularly enough lately. But seriously, at best, I become Lauren Bacall, at worst I just won't be able to speak loudly enough to do stage acting.